Kira Says What
by Stygian Styx
Summary: Sometimes, a genius is truly a fool... Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note
1. Kira Says What

A/N: very, very short comedy.

Oneshot

Summery: L, like Kira, is childish, and hates to lose...

_Chapter One: Kira-says-what?_

L sighed as he sat in his favorite chair. 'I'm sure Light-kun is Kira... But there is no evidence... only a confession would be enough evidence at this time.. But how.. Of Course!'

L walked past Light, pretending to be walking to the bathroom. As he passed, he yelled, "Kirasayswhat?!?"

Light jumped, shocked. He stared at L, and L stared back. Finally, he said, "What?"

L grinned and said, "You lose, Kira-kun." He laughed quietly and walked off, leaving a puzzled and confused Light in his wake.

END

A/N: I think I've seen this idea before, but I don't think it's been done exactly like this.


	2. Speed Quiz

AN: Well, you guys wanted it, so here it is. Chapter Two of Kira Says What. This story is a series of one shots about Kira getting caught, L doing stupid things, and the random antics of several characters. The chapters have nothing to do with each other, and are independent stories, unless you guys want a follow up chapter on something. But remember, if you don't tell me what you want, I can't give it to you. Also, this isn't sat at any point in canon... (Misa has gotten involved with the investigation, but neither she nor light have been placed in interrogation... Wow, it's been so long since I saw this I don't remember the story very well, so please excuse any errors I make.) Also, I am aware that Light's name is written Raito... I simply don't care. It doesn't sound as good, lol.

**CHAPTER TWO: Speed Quiz**

L was bored. Very bored. Their had not been anything new in several days, and he was bored. Only he and Light remained in the Kira Investigation Headquarters, everyone else was off doing whatever it was that they did. So, having nothing better to do, he decided to pick up a magazine. He scanned the articles for a few moments, and briefly wondered how he could trick Light into admitting he was Kira. Suddenly, he read an article about an improvised lie detector test. It was supposed to be used to trick your friends into revealing who they liked, but he supposed it wouldn't make much difference. He flipped the magazine closed and glanced at the cover, wondering what book could have given such helpful advice. He sweatdropped when he saw it read 'Teen Weekly'. 'I guess Misa does have her uses...' he thought. He walked over to light, who was sitting on a couch and watching TV. "Would you like to play a game, Light-kun?"

"Sure, do you have anything in mind, Ryuzaki?"

"I have recently heard of a game where one person asks another several questions in quick succession, and they lose if the do not answer all of them."

Light, unable to resist a challenge, quickly answered "Okay, I take it you will ask the questions?"

"Yes, Light-kun. Remember, if you fail to answer even one, you lose."

"Lets start."

"What is your favorite color?"

"Blu-"

"Too slow, Light-kun, you have to be faster! What is your favorite sandwich?"

Light answered quickly,"Turkey."

"Whats you favorite card game?"

Getting even faster, he said"Blackjack."

"Who is your girlfriend?"

Not even thinking, he said "Misa"

"Are you a Pisces?"

He replied before L even finished the final word,"Yes."

"Are you Kira?"

"Yes." A few seconds later, he realized what he said when L didn't continue. 'Shit.'

**END**

A/N: And here is the second chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I realize that Light and L are a little OOC, but I hope it's not to bad. Please tell me what you thought.


	3. I swear to drunk I'm not god

AN: This chapter is mainly Ryuk, and a joke on a couple actual situations in the anime. This part is within the canon time line.

CHAPTER THREE: I Swear to Drunk I'm Not God, Ocifer!

Ryuk flew about, hovering aimlessly, munching on an apple and grinning happily. Suddenly, he came upon a disturbing sight in the stairwell. He saw Light and L... Drying each other off. He was stunned, and almost choked on the apple, however Light did not notice his presence. He looked from the odd pair, to the apple, and back again. Suddenly, he threw the apple over his shoulder and flew back the way he came. 'Maybe I really SHOUID quit... nah...'

END

AN: and here is chapter three. This was originally gonna be about Light and L again, but I decided I was to tired to type that out. Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. The Source of Power

**Author's Note: **Wow.... Sorry guys.... I had meant to update this a good while ago.... Sorry... The author's note below is from when I first started this.... Back in may(?) of '08....

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long. All my stories are on my laptop, and it hasn't had Internet since I last added a chapter. Anyway, hope you enjoy...

Kira Says What 

_Chapter Four: The Source of Power_

-Kira Investigation Team Headquarters, 3:42 PM-

Yagami Light lay on a couch in in the Kira Investigation's headquarters. To all members of the ask force, it appeared he was deep in thought over the kira case, but in reality he was plotting the downfall of his arch nemesis, L. _'Thats it!' _he thought. _'Nothing will stop me this time....' _the young genius quietly fell asleep. Everyone went about their business, assuming he was just really deep in thought. L filed the information away to tease light with later.

-Kira Investigation Headquarters, 1:23 AM the next day-

"Light... Why are we doing this again? It'll be funny... but... you don't care about that." Ryuk spoke, as he dumped yet another barrel of white powder down the garbage shoot.

Light sighed, "Because Ryuk. Every super powered being has a source to their power. I have my Death Note. Death Gods have various foods. The Great Saya-Man has that stupid costume. Ryuzaki, with his unbelievably great deductive skills," _'How else could he correctly guess me as Kira, right off the bat, with barely any evidence to base it on?' _"must have sugar. Just look at all the sweets he eats! But, if we just dump all the sugar, he'll know I know his secret. So, what we have to do... is replace his sugar with sugar-free sweetener."

Ryuk, still not understanding why Light thought he had super powers, decided to just do it. Dumping the last of the sugar down the shoot, he thought _'Oh well... Heh, it'll sill be amusing...'_

-END-

A/N: If you guys want to know this rest, this'll have to be a two parter. The next chapter will be up either later to day of tomorrow, it's done already, after all.


	5. Where do Death Gods come from?

A/N: Yo. This is Styx, bringing you your regularly scheduled (or, at least, as close as it can be to one when you have no updating schedule, or, indeed, anything resembling one.) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, Ryuk's fascination and love of apples would have been a more important part of the plot. And that thing where he was dancing with the apple? And the jumping-off-buildings kung-fu? And those freaky rising towers Light and L were on? That shit would have happened. And instead of chocolate, Mello would be addicted to LSD. And in a quick message to all you guys who are actually doing LSD right now: Dude, your tripping balls! Even I'm talking to you!*

Disclaimer Part II (the sequel): Anyone who is offended by the following look into the incredible creation of a Death God should do the following:

Lighten up.

Live a little.

Not read any of my stories expecting to see butt sex. I know it's the Death Note section, but unlike everything else here, there is no 'SMEXY HOT YOAI SEX!!!!1' in the summery.

* does Fonzy pose * Eh? Eh? Hey, remember that 'Lighten up' thing we talked about?

Kira Says What

Chapter 5: Where do Death Gods come from?

Light began his long walk home, bored from his long day at school. They had nothing left to teach him, and it was Sex Ed day... The one lesson that never changed. Suddenly, a thought struck him. "Hey Ryuk..." he began, interrupting Ryuk's rank on the awesomeness of apples.

"And their so delicou-Eh? What?" Ryuk turned his head and stared at Light... He had never interrupted his apple talks before... this must be important.

Light continued, "Where do Death Gods come from? All creatures must be born, but... A God of Death being born... Doesn't that contradict the very nature of a Death God?"

Ryuk lazily scratched his head, chuckling slightly. "Heh, can't imagine why you'd wanna know, but... You first have to understand, that all realities, all universes... this one, to... are just stories in some other universe. Most of the stories... Feature important events in another universe... Like your story... Kira."

Light's eye's widened at this revelation. "Are you familiar with the concept of... fanfiction?"

Light thought for a second, then muttered "A little... Sayu used to make me proofread them for her, but they kept getting more graphic... Eventually she stopped."

"Well..." Ryuk continued. "Some of the girls, and occasionally guys -but then, heh, you'd know all about that-" Light's face remained calm despite the shot at his sexuality... Ryuk was starting to wonder. "in other universes are whats called a 'Yoai Fangirl', or 'Fanboy'. They, despite the sexuality of the actual characters... Make one, or sometimes two, of the 'gay' men pregnant... Once that universe ends... usually because the fabric of reality rips, or the now angry god of that universe ends it... The 'child' of the two men become a God of Death, due to their... 'Anti-birth'.... And they return to the universe that originally caused their creation..." Ryuk cackled as realization dawned on Light's face.

"Then... Then your.... and Ryuzaki...." Light's eyes, now wide with humiliation and terror, silently begged Ryuk to tell him he was joking.

Ryuk cackled,"Yeah... Hello... Father." Light only screamed.


End file.
